Sorry I haven't given an update. I've been busy on an emotional rollercoaster ride. Hopefully I don't ever have to ride that one again. Before I write about that, I want to back up a bit. Tell you how i've been feeling lately. I've had a rough couple of months. I have been feeling like many of you other moms feel. You know, like you run around and around, and nothing gets done. Or if it does get done, it's not done very well. You know, like when you are trying to make good meals, be skinny, get homework done with kids, do all of the activities, not to mention scriptures, FHE, etc., etc. Overwhelmed.All of it makes me grumpy. Sorry if you've had to experience the grumpiness. I won't deny it. All of it also makes me feel worthless sometimes. I know, I know, this is the Adversary at his finest. He loves to make us feel like we are not worth much...like what we do isn't important. Sometimes he is successful, and I struggle on. Just last weekend I asked Warren, "Why am I doing this, why even try? No one is ever happy!"
I've been praying for peace...for things to slow down a bit.
Someday, when I die I'm going to ask Heavenly Father why he loves to teach us metaphorically. I would have much rather someone show up at my doorstep with a big chocolate cake and tell me how great a wife and mother I am. Nevertheless, here we are.
Baby Dane is doing well today. He sleeps alot, but they say this is normal behavior after a small seizure or concussion. It makes me worry, but I know he will be O.K.
I haven't felt much for the last 24 hours, but there are two very vivid feelings that I want to share. The first is the strength of having my neighbor, friend, and sister there with me during this traumatic experience. Buffie slipped quietly in like she does, and just stood there. She put her hand on my back, didn't say anything, and just stood with me, behind me, holding me up. Thank you, thank you.
The second is the feeling I had as my child lay on a little table, with lights above and 5 doctors poking, pricking, asking and out of his little lips came a weak, "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma ma." This was Heavenly Father letting me know why I am here, and why it is all worth it, and why I am needed. What an enormous responsibility we have for these little spirits.
I'm not very articulate right now. I'm tired, it's been a long week. That's all i've got. I hope it all makes some sort of sense.
9 comments:
Bless your heart! I'm so sorry all of this has gone on. Hang in there and know many people are praying for you and your family!
JoLynn
Monica, your post brought tears to my eyes. You are a fantastic mother, your kids are so very lucky to have you. I am so glad that baby Dane is ok, what a blessing it is to have good friends and I am glad you do! I hope you never have to go throught thats again! You are wonderful!
Monica: I have been praying for you and your family and yes, I to know what it is like to feel like the "weak mother". We all feel it. Us moms go through more than people even realize but we are strong and we are strong because He makes us strong. Hang in there and know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This to shall pass and you will be even stronger after words. Love ya! Tia
you stink... like i need to cry again today??! you are amazing. i don't know why we all feel inadequate at times, but it sure humbles us and makes us work harder, or different. these times make us better. i am thankful for these times. sweet baby dane. the experiences we go through with our babies sure make us grow! you are doing wonderful, although that knowledge doesn't always calm our crazy emotions. you are someone that is a great example to the rest of us. we love you!
I'm not much of a deliver food to other people guy, but when we go to Golden Corral tomorrow, I will make Warren get you a piece of Chocolate cake, that should work. Glad Daner's ok, he's one of my favorite future football players!
Your sweet family is in our prayers. I'm so glad Dane is doing better. I am so glad you have such good friends! I wish I could help. I want you to know one thing though, after reading your blog lately all I have been thinking about you is that you are the most amazing mom ever! Seriously you astound me with all that you do. And I KNOW that you do it all well. Have you read the Jane Clayson Johnson book, "I am a mother"? I just read it and it has such a great insight into LDS motherhood. I love you!
I am so glad that Dane is okay....what a scare...I can't imagine what you went through as it happened. Raising four kids is tough...it is wonderful and great...but it is tough. IT kicked my butt. I had to let a lot of things go temporarily....and to be honest....it's like no one noticed. ( except me.) Now that Sadie is almost 2...I feel like things are getting a bit easier....but I know how you feel!!! ...and I want to bake you a chocolate cake and bring it to you and tell you that you are a great wife and mother.( are you still only eating veggies and fruit though?) :)
Look at your kids....smart, polite, fun, ...that doesn't happen by accident!!!! Chin up sista, cause you rock womanhood!!!!
oxoxoxxo
It really is good to know that we all have these moments and struggle through life at times. It's also great to have friends to lean on. You are a great example of courage and strength to me thanks for sharing your thoughts and know you're not alone!
What an ordeal! Wow. I am so glad to hear that he is okay. What a fluke accident. As far as your inadequate feelings. Join the club. The wicked hormones have a lot to do with it. Give yourself some time , do some yoga, and forget about the little piles of clutter on the floor. It is the only way to cope. This is your season to minimize. With five kids, I have learned to say no gracefully. Hang in there! I will bake you a cake anytime, cuz that is what life is all about!
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